There are definitely things I thought I would have to do once I had a baby. Getting up in the middle of the night multiple times. Doing anything to make the baby happy – singing, bouncing, rocking…There were many things I anticipated. I didn’t, however, anticipate having to help my child poop nor did I ever guess that it would become a habit for him.
It all started about a month and a half ago. The boy went five days (count ’em…FIVE DAYS) without pooping. He wasn’t in pain and his stomach wasn’t hard. I called my friend, Erica, for advice on what to do. I tried a myriad of the tricks – juice, movement, massaging his stomach. Anything but what would really work…The thermometer or worse (da da DA!!!) my finger.
Finally it got down to the wire and I got desperate. So I put on a pair of gloves, Vaselined my pinky up and in it went. Like a little gopher finally escaping its underground home, out it came. I held Brennan’s legs up to his chest so he would have a better pushing advantage. Out it all came, gobs and gobs of it. Yuck.
They say that mother’s don’t mind the smell of their own child’s poo. I would have to agree with that. I didn’t even notice the smell. I did notice how disgusting the whole event was. When Ben and I decided we’d get pregnant last winter I didn’t think helping my child go #2 would be one of the care taking activities. The things we do for our children.
After that first time, it seemed that Brennan always pooed when I was changing him or taking his temp. He’d be sitting in his Baby Einstein’s jumper, grabbing onto the bars, face red and grunting. I would look at him and chuckle, Finally he’s going to do it, only to find that nope, that wasn’t the case. This happen many times and then I had an epiphany.
He was lazy. Now don’t get me wrong, Brennan is not a lazy baby in other areas of his life. He’s always on the go (not mobile yet…YET is the key word there), very social and seems to press ahead in his development. Except that is when it comes to pushing out his bowels. Yeah, it’s not pretty and you bet I’m going to tell him about this later on his life. I think there’s a part of him that enjoyed the time spent on his changing table with me. It’s a very comfy changing pad, he has a brightly painted fish mobile hanging above him and I’m there talking to him holding his legs up. Who wouldn’t want a little help with that?
We talked to Brennan’s pediatrician about it last Monday at his six month appointment. He agreed with our assessment. Brennan was a lazy pooper. So we were instructed to just let him be. Five days no pooping? No worries. I mean let’s be honest here, I can’t go to pre-school or kindergarten holding the child’s legs up in the air so he can relieve himself.
Ah, the joys of parenting.

As the creator of the lifestyle blog Me Before Mom, Bert supports millennial moms facing the challenges and changes of motherhood. Me Before Mom is an online community that offers support through real life stories, encouraging advice, and answers to questions about how a woman maintains herself during this self-sacrificial time of parenthood. Stories from Bert Anderson have helped women across the globe through the Huffington Post, Today’s Parent, and on the Harry show. Whether weathering the first year of motherhood or walking through the later stages of motherhood, Bert has helped many continue to find herself while still in the throes of motherhood.